You
may not think you are being abused if you’re not being hurt physically. But emotional and
verbal abuse can have short-term and long-lasting effects that are just as
serious as the effects of physical abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse includes
insults and attempts to scare, isolate, or control you. It is also often a sign
that physical abuse may follow. Emotional and verbal abuse may also continue if
physical abuse starts. If you have been abused, it is never your fault.
How can I tell if I’m being emotionally or
verbally abused?
You
may be experiencing emotional or verbal abuse if someone:
- Wants
to know what you’re doing all the time and wants you to be in constant
contact
- Demands
passwords to things like your phone, email, and social media and shows
other signs of digital abuse
- Acts
very jealous, including constantly accusing you of cheating
- Prevents
or discourages you from seeing friends or family
- Tries
to stop you from going to work or school
- Gets
angry in a way that is frightening to you
- Controls
all your finances or how you spend your money
- Stops
you from seeing a doctor
- Humiliates
you in front of others
- Calls
you insulting names (such as “stupid,” “disgusting,” “worthless,” “whore,”
or “fat”)
- Threatens
to hurt you, people you care about, or pets
- Threatens
to call the authorities to report you for wrongdoing
- Threatens
to harm himself or herself when upset with you
- Says
things like, “If I can’t have you, then no one can”
- Decides
things for you that you should decide (like what to wear or eat)
How does emotional and verbal abuse start?
Emotional
and verbal abuse may begin suddenly. Some abusers may start out behaving
normally and then begin abuse after a relationship is established. Some abusers
may purposefully give a lot of love and attention, including compliments and
requests to see you often, in the beginning of a relationship. Often, the
abuser tries to make the other person feel strongly bonded to them, as though
it is the two of them “against the world.”
Over
time, abusers begin to insult or threaten their victims and begin controlling
different parts of their lives. When this change in behavior happens, it can
leave victims feeling shocked and confused. You may feel embarrassed or foolish
for getting into the relationship. If someone else abuses you, it’s never your
fault.
What are the effects of emotional or verbal
abuse?
Staying
in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship can have long-lasting
effects on your physical and mental health, including leading to chronic
pain, depression, or anxiety.
You
may also:
- Question
your memory of events: “Did that really happen?”
- Change
your behavior for fear of upsetting your partner or act more aggressive or
more passive than you would be otherwise
- Feel
ashamed or guilty
- Feel
constantly afraid of upsetting your partner
- Feel
powerless and hopeless
- Feel
manipulated, used, and controlled
- Feel
unwanted
Your
partner’s behavior may leave you feeling as though you need to do anything
possible to restore peace and end the abuse. This can feel stressful and
overwhelming.
.
What is gaslighting?
“Gaslighting”
is the word used when an abuser makes you feel like you are losing your mind or
memory.
An
abuser might:
- Deny
an event happened
- Call
you crazy or overly sensitive
- Describe
an event as completely different from how you remember it
Gaslighting
is a form of emotional abuse that abusers use to maintain power and control.
When a victim is questioning her memories or her mind, she may be more likely
to feel dependent on the abuser and stay in the relationship.
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